Always The Savior
by Trinity Is God
Summary: They needed to be a family, as much as one could with a member missing
1. I Trust You

_You say you're willing to die for love but you know nothing about dying and you know nothing about love!_

_-Troy_

_------_

"Hey," his deep voice rumbled as he surveyed the situation for a few moments.

She was irritated at him, as if the stiff body language gave most away, her normally bright face, was dark.

"Back from _work_?" she asked sarcastically, playing with the coffee mug.

His rumpled hair fell across his forehead and the flicker of surprise wandered over his face.

"I don't understand why you're so upset...I mean I understand, but its nothing... she works at the firm," he trailed off; fighting was not on his list of things to do tonight.

"She doesn't look old enough to be served in a bar, let alone a lawyer. " Kirsten counted with the hint of jealousy peaking out of her voice.

"She's thirty-three, she graduated Berkeley four years after you did," he snapped, defending her.

"What's her favorite color?" she replied just as sarcastic as the first comment.

"Pink," he replied just as satirical.

Kirsten looked away disgustedly, agitatedly.

Then she sighed.

They hated fighting-it just wasn't them.

"Aw, Kirsten . . ." he sighed dejectedly moving closer to the couch, to her.

"Sandy, she countered softly, I'm not saying anything's going on . . . "

"Good because you spent the weekend painting Jimmy Coopers house and I didn't say a word cause I _knew_ nothing was going on."

She looked away from him; if he only knew what Jimmy had pulled he would be pissed. The whole Jimmy Cooper thing always got him riled up. She tried explaining once that Jimmy was the past, and Sandy her future.

"Right?" he asked, hurt edging out of his voice.

"Right of course," she blew it off meeting his gaze, matching it.

"So what were you two doing together tonight?" he asked inquisitively.

"Jimmy's got custody issues with Julie," she said defensively, maybe a little to defensively.

He looked at her oddly, dismissing it and muttered, "I guess we're all having issues."

She looked at him expectedly, really she wanted nothing more than to climb into his arms on the couch, kiss him softly, and fall asleep in his arms.

"So what are we gonna do? I have to work with this woman," his tired voice rang out in their living room, his gaze meeting hers, the lawyer in him preparing for another round.

She softened slightly, surprising him. "I trust you." She should since he had done nothing wrong.

"Okay_, I trust you_," he replied, his gaze never leaving her striking features.

"Okay," she said, nodding her head to their mutual agreement.

He was tired, and he trudged his way up the steps to their bedroom. He kicked his shoes off into a corner of the room, and that was about it. He didn't bother with a shower, he barely managed to un-tuck his shirt before crashing on the bed, lying on his back. His wife. His job. Julie Cooper. Jimmy Cooper. Ryan, Marissa. He was worn out.

"Five minutes, and I'll change," he said audibly to no one and closed his eyes.

Kirsten walked up the stairs to their bedroom and smiled as she saw the sight before her. Her husband lay flat on his back sound asleep.

She walked over to his side of the bed and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"Sandy? Honey, I need you to wake up," she said softly tugging at his shirt.

He groaned, but complied as he let her undress him. She took off his shirt, leaving the white tee on and stripped him down to his boxers.

"Not exactly the way I thought the evening would end," she whispered softly as she climbed under the covers and cuddled up against him.

One strong arm slid underneath her and she rested her head on it, using it as her pillow, the other slid across her waist, a hand on her flat stomach, her back against his chest, listening to his heart thump against her. Being pressed as close as possible to him, that was what she wanted. The safety of Sandy Cohen's embrace made her tremble. She intertwined his hand with hers and she felt him smile against her back.

"I'm sorry gorgeous, but I love you," his deep voice rumbled softly against her shoulder, and he placed a gently kiss there.

She smiled, "I love you too."

Sandy sure had his moments sometimes, but he was where she belonged, and where she felt safe and comfortable. She knew how lucky she was, and she thanked the higher ups everyday for him. He challenged her, sometimes to the point where it irritated her and she wanted to tell him to piss off, but more so than she would ever admit, she loved it.

------


	2. Word Travels Fast

_"They say that right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes."_

_-Daredevil._

------

When she woke the next day he was already in the shower. It was a little early for him but that would give them some time together before he had to go off with Rachel.

She scowled at the thought of that woman. She trusted Sandy, no doubt about that, it was Rachel who she wouldn't trust, who wouldnt want her husband? He was a good man, and everyone knew it. Shaking her head, she smiled she entered the shower.

Ryan walked in the kitchen grabbed some cereal and sat down. Seth bumbled in ecstatic conversation as ever, already making their evening plans.

"Yo, dude I was thinking . . . if your not busy maybe the four of us could go down to the pier. Huh? What do you say?"

Ryan looked at him with a raised eyebrow and then nodded his head, chomping his food.

"Sounds good, man." He replied in his monotone.

His eyes glanced at the steps entrance waiting for Sandy or Kirsten to walk in, as normally they joined them for breakfast.

Seth followed his gaze, "Yeah, Um, I don't know what I was going to say."

Ryan just shook his head grinning.

The smile on his face was priceless as she joined him in the shower. She ducked under his arm and let the hot water wash over her stunning body. He watched her, no doubt in his mind that he was married to the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Water caressed her body, covered the collarbone, down the gentle rise of her breasts, over her muscular stomach and further down to splash upon her hips and legs.

He leaned down and kissed her on the lips, desire coursing through his entire body.

"Kirsten, your going to make me late . . . for uh work," he moaned softly as her lips tickled his collarbone.

"That's kind of my plan," she replied giving him the look that he couldn't resist, closing the distance between them.

------

The following day in the kitchen Sandy and Ryan were talking about Ryan's soccer games, and Sandy had made plans to go to the next home game, which that following Thursday night.

Kirsten breezed in looking gorgeous as always, a tight fitting black pants suit with a red blouse that showed off her cleavage and her every curve, she had both Sandy and Ryan look at her in awe.

"What?" she asked while looking at them both quizzically as got a cup of coffee.

"Uh, Kirsten," Ryan stammered, "Is Sandy going to work with you today?"

She looked at him like he was a serial killer, "Uh no. Why?"

"Just wondering who was going to protect you from the obvious onlookers," Ryan smirked.

Sandy had realized in the event of her walking through the door his jaw had dropped in slight amazement.

"Honey, wow, who are we impressing? You do plan on staying in your clothes right, I mean, not that there is much left to the imagination . . ." he cut his rambling short.

She smiled at him lovingly. Even though they had been married for umpteen years he still had a jealous streak to him, and she to him.

"Mom, my God, could you like put on some clothes?" Seth rolled his eyes.

She just raised an eyebrow to him.

Luke stumbled through the front door. "Hey you guys ready? Mrs. Cohen, Wow, You look, like amazing," Luke managed to look her up and down before Ryan and Seth grabbed his shoulders and yelled goodbye through the doorway, hauling Luke away before he could hit on their mother.

Sandy leaned over and kissed her lightly, and gently slapped her on the ass as he headed out the door. "Whatever business deal you got going on there honey, I hope it works out for you, cause I'm burning those clothes when I get home!"

She rolled her eyes. "I love you too!"

------

Later that night he walked up to her in their backyard.

"Hey!" she greeted him.

"Hey," he replied, unenthused and hurt.

"Its amazing about the Wards, how fast word travels."

"Sometimes," he replied tersely, not looking at her. He would give it all away by doing that, the hurt in his eyes.

"Well I'd ask you if everything is okay . . ."

"Well, its not."

"Which leads me to my next question."

"Oh, its well covered territory with us," he replied, truly not wanting to get into this conversation, but finally looking at her.

She paused, having an idea, but praying that it's not true.

"Jimmy Cooper," he stated heatedly. He was angry.

Her heart stopped, the expression on her face was crestfallen. She should have said something forever ago. The day that it happened, now he was going to think that there was something going on and there wasn't. She loved him. Not Jimmy.

"I uh, I want to do my best not to uh sound to um high school, but . . . He kissed you!" Sandy had walked away in that sentence trying his best not to hit something to show how angry and hurt he really was. He was an easygoing guy except when it came to his family and especially his wife. He had to be jealous when it came to her and an old flame everyone knew that rule. Kirsten was a gorgeous woman whom many men wanted in Newport, and even that much was obvious. How it had come back around to this when this issue should have been settled years and years ago. This whole situation frustrated him.

"He told you?" She was shaken.

"He didn't want there to be any secrets between us, apparently you don't feel the same way."

"Of course I do," She snapped irritated he would even think of such a thing. "Its just that it meant _nothing._" She met his eyes, angry with herself for knowing that the hurt inside of his was because of her.

"Well putting my own skepticism about that remake aside for just a moment, if it meant nothing, than why didn't you tell me?" The hurt edged on his voice.

"I knew it would upset you."

"Thank you," he snapped, "Cause I feel so much better having heard it from someone else."

"I'm sorry," her voice went to a whisper.

"All this time, all this suspicion and paranoia about me and my coworker and you're sitting on this!"

He walked away.

"Sandy..." she ran after him, her hand running over his shoulder and down his back, trying to turn him around, for her to reason with him, to show her apology to show that it meant nothing. Jimmy Cooper meant nothing.

"Sandy, It means nothing."

"Well, It means something to me," his voice hurt, and walked away.

------

When Ryan walked in holding onto a beaten Luke, for the second time that day, Kirsten's heart dropped.

"Oh my God are you guys okay?" her voice quavered and a slight sigh of relief washed over her when Ryan said he didn't start anything.

Putting aside their differences for a few moments Sandy looked at her and said he would callLuke's dad.

She said okay and went to mother Luke.

When Kirsten overheard the speech he gave to Luke's dad her heart melted. Sandy had such a way with people, with her. He wore his heart on his sleeve and she loved him so much for it. She had trouble with certain kinds of confrontation and when it came to Sandy, it was her fear of hurting him, and losing him would kill her. He, on the other hand believed honesty was policy and told her everything.

"That's what keeps it interesting."

"Well it hasn't been uninteresting."

"At a certain point you just have to trust the other person. That's what love is."

"Okay, so you'll have to trust that you can tell me things that I may not want to hear."

"Like, Jimmy Cooper kissed me?"

"Trust me," he said with a small smile and kissed her then.

The gentle touch of his lips was an apology kiss and she knew she was forgiven. She moved more against him deeper into his arms and shivered. He gently ran a free hand through her blond hair, a habit that he started many years ago. It always seemed to calm them both, and tonight was no exception. Once the teapot had started screaming to a point where they couldn't take it she took it off the stove as he watched. He loved watching her. The way her clothes clung to her in just the right places, he couldn't blame Jimmy for wanting to kiss her.

She turned and looked at him and he smiled lazily at her, taking in her beautiful features "I'm going to go get ready for bed."

She nodded, "I'll be up once I finish."

He stripped down to his boxers and t-shirt and climbed into her so-called side of the bed. It was chilly in their room and she would smile at him. That was worth it in itself just to see her smile. Her face was so relaxed when that smile played upon her lips. Well that was worth everything to him.

When she entered their room he moved over instantly and she crawled in against his embrace and a warm bed. She rested her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her firmly. He leaned up and kissed her forehead murmuring, "I love you gorgeous."

She loved when he did that. He knew it too. She smiled against his chest sighing softly, "What would I do without you Sandy?"

"You will never find out sweetheart. Cause I wont ever let you go," he whispered back against her lips, sealing that promise with a kiss.

"I love you too," she spoke softly against the comfort of his warm body. _You're so lucky,_ her conscious reminded her. _Some people never get as lucky as you._

_------_


	3. Pitch Them

_"There's no place for me now."  
"Yes, there is. Stay. Stay with me, please."_

_-Daredevil.  
_

------

The following week was hectic in the Cohen household between school, work, and the latest social gathering being planned Sandy wanted to take his wife out for a relaxing evening, like the movies. Normal clothes he reminded her, no suits, ties or anything. Just normal.

He let her choose, because for him it was all about getting her to relax, and so she chose the sappy love movie that he knew she would be crying in at the end, with his arm around her.

He smiled at her when she curled up against him and in the within the twenty minutes they were there she had tears streaming down her cheeks. His wife was such a softy sometimes.

He loved her for it though.

When the movie ended he had been right for she had tears streaming down her cheeks. He gave her a goofy smile and leaned over and kissed her wet cheek. "I love you babe," he whispered softly, using his other hand to wipe her tears away.

She smiled at him and reached for his hand as they exited the theater and walked down the small alleyway towards the parking lot for the car. He intertwined their fingers together and leaned over pressing a kiss to her temple.

Walking outside there was a small alleyway that he hadn't noticed on his way in, probably because alleyway's in the daylight look much better than at night. If he had known this he would have parked elsewhere.

Sandy hated alleyways, ever since Bronx, ever since he had beaten people up and gotten beaten in them.

He pulled her close when he heard unfamiliar footsteps behind them and when he looked back he saw nothing. '_Just a figment of your wild imagination, Cohen'_ he thought to himself. She looked up at him slightly worried at his pause, but he smiled reassuringly at her and they continued walking.

There was no mistake this time when he heard them again and he turned around to face whomever it was he was stunned to find a gun in his face. A thousand thoughts raced through his head and the only one he paid attention to was Kirsten. He had to protect her at all costs. He pulled her behind him in a fluid motion, his hand gently squeezing hers.

"I want your wallet, your money and I want you to shut the hell up," the man said crossly as he glanced around warily.

"Sure pal, whatever you want," Sandy said calmly reaching for his wallet to take out money. Honestly he had never been so scared in his life, but not for himself, for her.

"Hurry up_ pal_," he said shoving the gun into Sandy's chest listening as he grunted from the force.

"Sandy...?" her voice quavered.

"Shh honey, its all right," he soothed as he handed over the cash. She clung to the back of his jeans. He wished she hadn't said anything, maybe the guy wouldn't have even noticed her.

_'All right? There was a gun to Sandy and he was saying it's all right? The situation at hand was far from all right.' _

"Get on the ground," the man yelled frantically.

Sandy slowly obeyed and so did Kirsten but the man grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her close. She froze and looked at him with the most terrified expression he had ever seen on her beautiful face.

"Pretty girl," he sneered. "Mind if she comes along?"

Sandy saw red.

He didn't think.

He didn't realize he was off the ground and tackling the man who thought he was taking his wife somewhere. He didn't comprehend that he pummeled him on the ground and hit him in the face over and over again. There was a sickening thud with each fist that connected to the man's cheekbones.

Boom.

Sandy didn't take notice of the shot that rang out in the dead silent of the night. He really didn't feel the gentle warm gush of blood that started to seep unto his white shirt. He hardly felt the man push him to the ground and take off running his footsteps echoing in the darkness. He barely registered the scream he heard. He could hardly hear her call his name.

"Sandy? Sandy . . .No... No, No, No this is not happening, Sandy?" She collapsed, her jeans scraping pavement as she gathered him in her arms, she grabbed her cell, calling 911 in hysterics. Her hands were covered in his blood as she pressed them to his chest to make an attempt to stop the blood from rushing from the hole in his chest.

He smiled up at her like nothing was wrong, "It's getting cold out," he said as his teeth chattered together. "You should have worn a coat," he trembled.

"Honey, stay with me, I love you, I need you to stay here with me."

He moaned softly, it hurt to breath. "I'm so sorry I ruined our evening honey."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks by now, "You didn't, Sandy, you can't leave me," she couldn't keep the tremor from coming out in her voice.

_'You will if you leave me Sandy Cohen. You will ruin my evening and the rest of my life.' _Those unspoken thoughts ran through her head like a locomotive.

He was getting so cold and he could feel his heart skip a beat here and there, then suddenly it was pounding in his chest. His teeth chattered against his will, his jaw clenching on a sorry attempt to stop it. His breathing is starting to get uneven and it felt like there was a huge mass sitting on his chest. Oh everything hurts right now. He's clammy, and sweaty. There is a sharp pain with every breath he takes, and he knows that soon that pain will intensify to a point where he won't want to breath anymore.

His vision is starting to get blurry. Again his heart skips a beat and thumps fast against his upper body before evening out.

_'Shit, shit, shit.'_

He struggled to keep his breathing level, smooth, for her sake. He didn't want to die here, hell he didn't want to die at all, but most of all he didn't want her to watch him die. '_Not in front of her,'_ he vows to himself.

Kirsten's voice is starting to fade away. As much as he wants to he can't fight it anymore.

He was dying,

While in his wife's arms.

And there is not a damn thing he can do about it.

He felt her body shaking against his, wishing he could make it all right, to just reach over and comfort her. He couldn't even move his hands. In the distance he heard the ambulance.

"Hey," he whispered as he wills his heavy arm up and shakily but gently touched her cheek, their eyes locking, "Hey, I love you. I'm the luckiest man alive you know that? Cause I got to be with you... You've made my everyday worthwhile. I love you Kirsten... Tell Seth and Ryan that I love them too... Make sure you tell Ryan to keep out of trouble, and tell Seth to watch over Ryan. They both better watch out for you...if our boys don't do what I say, make sure you tell them I will kick their ass..."

The more he talked the glazier his eyes got, the harder it was for him to breath. Even being hurt, Sandy tried to soothe things over with her, to make sure she was all right, or that she would be all right.

_Hindsight is always twenty-twenty_. He wasn't thinking of the past, he was thinking of her future.

_'Deus Festinatio,' _he thought to himself. God Speed.

"I'm so tired honey. I'm sorry. I love you."

Her body was racked with another choking sob as she watched him close his eyes. He was still breathing but barely. She called his name over and over again, frantically begging him to open his eyes, to stay with her but to no avail.

The ambulance had arrived finally.

They said she would have to meet them there. Truthfully the EMT didn't want her to watch him crash on the way over. People had a tendency to get hysterical and cause more problems than good in these kinds of situations. He couldn't save two people right now.

The police drove in front of her while she drove the Rover to the hospital and that's where she called Ryan.

Ryan was busy studying when the phone rang.

"Hel-lo?"

"Ryan? Its Kirsten."

"Hey what's up?" he was puzzled at the tone of her voice, she was supposed to be with Sandy.

"Ryan, Sandy had, he's been," she sighed shakily, "He was shot Ryan, and I don't know what to do."

"Shit. Shoot. Sorry. Where are you? Are you okay? Tell me where you are."

"Newport General."

Ryan grabbed the keys to the BMW and ran out the door. He tried calling Seth on his cell but he wasn't answering.

Ryan managed to get to the hospital in record time without getting a speeding ticket or killed. He ran through the halls and into the waiting room when he saw her curled up in a hard plastic chair. She looked like hell; there was so much blood on her clothes he was surprised it didn't drip off her, her normally beautiful hair messy and tangled. Her makeup had run and there was blood on her hands.

_Sandy's blood_, he knew instinctively.

When she saw him she paused and her eyes welled up with tears and he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" he asked softly into her hair and she shook her head no.

What was she going to do without Sandy, if he didn't make it? He was her support, her friend, her lover, the one person who understood her in short he was everything to her. He brought her boys to her. Maybe this was the reason Ryan was brought into this family - To help her in the course of her husbands death. She pushed the thought away from her mind.

"Any news?"

Again she shook her head no, "They said that he crashed twice on the way over here, but revived him both times," she whispered.

"Its okay, he'll be okay," he whispered and then told her he was going to call Seth. Luckily this time he picked up.

"Seth, listen to me, it's Ryan . . ."

The doctor came out and warily eyed Kirsten as she jumped to her feet, fidgeting with her bloody wedding bands.

"Mrs. Cohen, as of right now he's stable, but he's still in surgery and it looks like he's going to be there for a few more hours. I would suggest going home, getting cleaned up and we will call you when he's out."

She didn't know what to say so Ryan said the 'Thank You' for her.

He took her home driving the Range Rover; thankful that there was no blood in the car at all and later when they went up to visit he would have to take Seth to the theater to drive the Beemer home. He realized she was probably in shock. She stared out the window watching the world pass her by, bloody hands in her lap, the cars passing her didn't know that her husband was fighting for his life. Not only was he the husbandly figure, he was the only father Ryan ever had.

"Kirsten? We're here," Ryan, whispered softly as he parked the car and jumped out of the drivers seat to open the door for her. He led her to the house where Seth was waiting anxiously. Ryan hadn't told him exactly what happened because he didn't know. Seth's face fell when he saw the blood on his mother. Seth's face fell because of the amount of blood; the color was deep crimson against her shirt and jeans. There's no way someone could lose that much blood and live.

He didn't know what to do. Did his dad die?

"Kirsten, um, you need a shower," he said scanning the room before looking at her in the eyes.

"Actually wait," Ryan ran into the kitchen grabbed a garbage bag and handed it to her. "Pitch them Kirsten."

She gave him a blank stare before trudging up the steps to their room. She pushed open the door and was greeted by familiar sites and smells. It smelled like Sandy, and his shoes were tossed in the corner. His clothes were strewn about his side of the bed. His surfing shorts and the shirt he had worn earlier were scattered on the bathroom floor. Her eyes locked on one of the many pictures of the two of them together. She stood by the bed and grasped the picture in her hands. They had been at a charity event, and he had just come up to her. His arms encircled her waist and he was pressing a kiss into her hair. She had her eyes closed and then someone had taken a picture. She caught the flash when she opened her eyes again. After making sure she was okay, Sandy went off in search of Seth and Kirsten went over to the photographer.

_"Did you take a picture of my husband and I?"_

_"Yes I did ma'am."_

_She gave the man fifty bucks, her card, and told him she wanted the picture on her desk._

_The man smiled at her said he would do what she asked and actually gave her a couple pictures of them together that night._

She sighed, grabbed a towel, took off her clothes, threw them in the bag, turned on the shower and stepped inside.

------


	4. Missing Member

_It's funny. Your worst nightmare always seems so far away. Then, all of a sudden, there it is, like a monstrous tidal wave. You try to escape, but you can't. You struggle and you struggle and you struggle, your desperate cries unheard. Then, something strange happens, you stop struggling. Your cries take flight. You forget you're drowning._

_-Dark Harbor_

------

"Dude, what the hell happened, where the hell is my dad? Is he all right? What's going on? Is he dead, can someone survive with that much blood loss?" Seth rambled about a mile a minute and Ryan had trouble keeping up with him.

"Seth, Sandy was shot. I don't know how it happened. He's stable and in surgery at Newport General," Ryan held up his hands warding off his other questions. "That's all I know. We have to wait for Kirsten to tell us the rest. These next few days are going to be rough for her Seth, for all of us, but especially for her. She saw it all." Ryan knew more about the subject than Seth could ever imagine, growing up in Chino he knew what she would be going through at the moment. Someone he knew had probably gone through it. Despite the fact that they were at a loss too, they had to step up to the plate for her.

Seth was quiet and his voice quavered before he asked, "Do you think my dad's going to die?"

Ryan looked at him, the same question running through his head. "I don't know . . . he lost a lot of blood..." he trailed off. What would they do if he died? He didn't want to think about it but he could almost see it in his head, the funeral, and the tearful goodbyes, the crying, Kirsten sobbing, both Seth and Ryan pallbearers carrying his casket, laying him into the cold ground. Saying goodbye to the one man, who gave him hope, took him in and treated him like his own. God, that thought was more than he could handle.

The shower was a relief and the water rushed off her onto the porcelain floor in spurts of red and light pink. She scrubbed harder, her hands and arms red and yet it still came off. She rinsed her hair and she lifted up her arms and looked down and her flat stomach was covered in blood too, so much blood. She leaned against the wall and tears streamed down her cheeks as wrapped her arms around her stomach.

The water started to run cold before she decided to get out of the shower. Sleep, her body wanted to sleep but the thought of falling asleep in her bed without her husband was enough to make her sick. She checked her watch and it read after eleven. She put on comfortable clothes before heading downstairs. Both her boys looked up at her, actually relieved that she was coming down.

"Gee mom, we thought you drown," Seth tried the playful banter.

"The hospital called. He made it through the surgery but they have him in an isolation room for the next few hours to keep an eye on him. They said we could see him when visiting hours start again because by then he should have his own room."

Ryan watched her take in this information and process it. "Kirsten you should rest. You look exhausted."

_'That's something Sandy would say,'_ she thought to herself and it brought tears to her eyes. Seth looked at his mother wrap her arms around herself and he walked over to her with tears in his eyes. He pulled her into a hug and she pulled him tightly to her. When he pulled back he led her to the couch. She sat between her two boys. They both looked at her expectantly, they wanted to know what happened. She retold the story to the best of her ability between the sobs and when she had finished both Seth and Ryan had tears in their eyes.

"Mom so now what? What do we do now?"

"We wait," was the only answer she had.

Both Ryan and Seth had managed to console her into sleeping, even if it was just for a few hours. She finally agreed to lie down on the couch for a little. Ryan had covered her up with a blanket and both boys went into the kitchen to talk for a little.

"We need to call the school, tell Dragon-lady why we won't be in today," Ryan mused.

Seth did the job explaining what happened and explained the situation and surprisingly Dr. Kim was very sympathetic. She told them to take as much time as they needed.

With that finished both boys went to the living room; Ryan sitting in the chair and Seth leaned against the couch he reached up for his mothers hand, finding it and clasping it tightly. He heard her sigh softly. He leaned his head back against the couch closing his eyes for just a few moments.

------

Sandy Cohen was in limbo. Literally. He wasn't awake and he wasn't dead, yet, as far as he knew. He was weak though and it was still a struggle to breath, however not so much as before. He could feel his heart take a normal beating pattern instead of skipping all over the place. He wasn't as cold, or in pain as much but he really wanted the comfort of his wife and family.

He could sense what was going on, and even hear some of the conversations around him, the beeps from machines, but he just couldn't wake up. Not yet. He hoped Kirsten was all right.

------

Ryan woke first and decided to wake up Seth, he told him he was going to go back to the pool house, grab a shower, and come back make sure she was all right. They would be going to the hospital today, and he had an idea as to what was going to happen. She was going to either freak out on them or she would take it quietly and drink herself to death at home. Well neither one was going to be accepted for this. All of them needed to be strong for Sandy. They needed to be a family, as much as one could be with a member missing.

------


	5. I Want To See Something

_Oh, yes we were! We're HERE, aren't we? And how DARE you waste that good fortune by simply giving up? Shame on you. Shame on you! SHAME on you! The worst of it is, you allowed an old fool like me to believe I was needed... that I still had a purpose... and do you know what? You were right. And I'm going to go on believing it. And I, for one, am not going to die here!_

_-Dinosaur_

------

They were at the hospital. She didn't realize it but she was holding her breath. Then she would let it out and suck it in again.

_'Sheis trying to prepare herself,' _Ryan reflected to himself. She didn't even have a clue how much she was fidgeting with her rings on her hands and her eyes glanced at her boys so much he was surprised she wasn't dizzy.

"Kirsten, I want to go in first, if that's okay with you," Ryan said softly. Actually he didn't, but he wanted to make sure Sandy looked okay, cause if he looked like a zombie stuck with tubes coming out everywhere he wouldn't let her go see him.

She looked like twenty-pounds were lifted off of her. "That's fine with me Ryan."

He motioned to Seth who looked frightened out of his mind and they entered the room.

Ryan looked at Sandy for the first time in two days. He looked like he was sleeping as if he would wake up any moment, look at him and tell him_ "I could do worse."_

There were no horrible tubes sticking out in all directions, really just his IV line was all that Ryan could see. He looked at Seth. Seth looked grief stricken. He looked at Ryan "I think mom can handle this, he doesn't look so bad, as long as we'rehere . . ." Seth trailed off moving closer to his dad.

Ryan went out and saw Kirsten looking at him anxiously. He reached for her, wrapping an arm around her waist and guided her in the room to see her husband. She put her hands over her mouth and gasped softly. Ryan tightens his hold on her but he led her to the chair that Seth had placed by his bedside. She sat down and reached for his hand. "Hey baby, its me," she whispered so softly she doubted he heard it. No one noticed Sandy's vitals had been dangerously high, and as soon as she grabbed his hand and said those words to him they dropped into the safety zone.

Ryan pulled up a chair along Kirsten and Seth sat across from them. They stared at Sandy and Seth and Ryan exchanged looks, "Seth and I are going to run to the cafeteria real quick, what would you like?"

She looked at him gratefully, "Something to drink would be fine Ryan."

He nodded and leaned over kissing her on the temple before he whispered, "We will be right back." Seth watched his mother lean into Ryan and close her eyes briefly.

They understood her need for wanting to be alone, but they also made sure she knew they were readily available in case she needed anything.

Seth hugged his mother quickly before exiting.

She watched them leave before smiling at Sandy, "Honey you would be so proud of our boys, especially Ryan, they're being so strong for us. I miss you Sandy . . ."

A young, blond doctor breezed in a few minutes later with a small smile on his face as he greeted her. "Mrs. Cohen? I'm Dr. Alex Rudley, I treated your husband when he came in." Kirsten jumped up and shook his hand asking how he was.

"Mr. Cohen should be fine, but with the amount of blood that he has lost, the traumatic stress, he has slipped into a coma. He could wake up today, tomorrow, or its possible he may never wake up again."

Kirsten swallowed. She took in this new information.

"However, his vitals are strong, his will to live is obviously strong, and with you to come home to, I'm putting some faith that he will pull out of this," he tried to make her feel better. "Quiet frankly I was worried with how many times he coded on us, normally there is damage, to the brain, the heart, and other organs, but everything seems normal, and the only way I can do a full diagnostic is when he wakes up."

_If_, he wakes up.

_'This doctor was optimistic, or he has a very serious crush on me,'_ she thought. She voted for the optimistic option.

"Its up to him now Mrs. Cohen. Please remember, I am hopeful, but this can go either way, he isn't totally out of the clear yet..."

"Please call me Kirsten."

He lowered his voice to a whisper, "I want to see something Kirsten, it's just a hunch, and I'm probably wrong but do me a favor. Tell Sandy that you will be back in a few minutes, and give it a minute and come back into the room, take his hand and tell him your back. I want to see something."

She looked at him quizzically but followed his directions, walking over to Sandy, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, telling him she wanted to check on the boys and walked outside, giving the doctor the weirdest look he had yet to receive.

Sandy's vitals almost shot through the roof.

The doctor smiled to himself. He had been right. This man might be in a coma fighting for his life, but he was very aware of when his wife was around, which meant he could hear them. The more she talked to him the more likely he was able to make a full recovery, no side effects. He had read about this happening.

She waited outside for about two minutes and walked back in. The doctor was grinning and he nodded to her making herself known in the room with him. When she walked over to his sleeping form she leaned over again and kissed his forehead telling him she was back. Sandy's vitals went from being agitated to the relaxed where they should be. "The safe zone," he liked to call it.

"Kirsten. He can hear you. He knows when you're near!" Alex was excited about this, for this was good news.

"How do you know that?"

"His vitals go down when you enter the room. He can sense you. Which is good. He can relax and not stress his body out and the more you talk to him, reassure him, the more likely he is to come out of this coma."

She smiled. Only her Sandy would be able to excite a doctor and know when she was in the room even when he was in some indeterminate state. She should have known that however. Her memory was jogged to many nights when she had lain awake and knowing he was out cold and yet if she shivered he would draw the blankets up around her more, and would pull her more tightly against him, placing a tender, reassuring kiss on her shoulder. She knew he hadn't woken up.

"I believe that Doctor. My husband is an extraordinary man," she says softly smiling for the first time in two days.

------


	6. We Shouldn't Be Here Right Now

_It doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith._

_-Dogma_

------

A phone call in the middle of the night shook all of them to the core. Alex had called, and told them they had rushed Sandy to surgery again. There had been a bullet fragment that they somehow had missed and had been causing internal bleeding for the past week. That had put pressure on his lungs and pressure on his heart. The leak had been so slow that everyone had missed it until he came close to coding again.

Alex told them they might want to get here as soon as possible.

Seth looked at the floor as he waited for his mother to finish throwing on some clothes. She didn't need to give details the worry in her voice said it all. Besides what doctor called at close to two-thirty in the morning unless they didn't think the patient wasn't going to make it. Seth watched ER enough to know. He wiped a stray tear away irately.

His father was going to die.

"_You're going to miss me when I'm gone_," his father once said. Seth's reply had been a simple "_Oh yeah? When you leaving_?" He would give anything to take that back right now.

Seth was petulantly quiet the whole ride there.

_'You would think Sandy was already dead_,' Ryan reflected out the window. Again flashes of a funeral glimpsed through his mind and pierced his heart. He ran a hand through his hair he had bed head it stuck up everywhere. In fact, they all weren't looking that great. She managed to grab his Berkeley sweatshirt, and some sweatpants, her hair tossed back into a ponytail that was slowly falling out. Seth managed to throw on sweatpants but his hair looked like a cat that got lost in a dryer. Ryan just wore what he slept in: Sweats and a tank top.

He smirked at Seth's hair before he sighed. "Dammit," he muttered softly watching as Kirsten's eyes met his through the rearview mirror. She held his stare for a few moments before turning her eyes back on the road. Kirsten had turned on the radio to confront the silence, she hit the scan button and it flickered to a country station and Reba McEntire's soft voice rang out "_But what do you say, in a moment like this? When you can't find the words to tell it like it is_ . . .." Seth reached quickly and changed the station but that didn't stop everyone from hearing it. '_Yeah. What do you say in a moment like this? What do you say when your husband is dying?' "Hey honey, thanks for the memories I'll always remember you?" _She sighed. They were here. For a moment she felt like her legs were made of cement and stuck to the pavement, and for an instant she couldn't breath.

She swallowed, "Lets go."

The doctor met them at the elevator on the first floor. Both Seth and Ryan stood behind her as the doctor rambled off terms and that meant nothing to them.

"Mrs. Cohen...err Kirsten?" He sighed.

He hated doing this. He hated watching their reactions. Some people fainted. Some yelled and screamed. Others just secluded into the room, did what they came to do, shook his hand and walked out. The ones he hated the most were the kind who just stared back at him. As if to say, "Hey, thanks for nothing."

He wondered what they were going to be like, '_Round 324. Ding, Ding, fight!' _

"If I was you, I would . . .. I might want to take these few moments and say goodbye. I thought he was going to make a fine recovery but this new development. I'm sorry Kirsten, Ryan, and Seth. I'm so sorry. All we can do is wait, and pray. And hope..."

_Yeah. Hope. Hope for a fucking miracle._

Seth looked at the floor. Kirsten looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at the plastic chairs. He looked at the doctor. He walked over to the chair and grabbed it before throwing it, watching as it collided with the other chairs, causing them all to jump.

"THIS IS _BULLSHIT!_ YOU'RE A DOCTOR. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAVE PEOPLE, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME, US, YOUR TELLING US, THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY IT'S GOING TO GO? A FEW DAYS AGO HE WAS FINE, AND NOW HE'S DYING? WHAT KIND OF DOCTOR ARE YOU? YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED HIM.... You should have watched him and he.... he... He wouldn't be in this mess," his voice cracked. He ran his hands through his hair and paced while Seth and Kirsten looked wide-eyed at him.

"WE SHOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW. NONE OF US SHOULD HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE! THIS IS BULLSHIT!" He swatted angrily at another chair but missed, and finally he just collapsed into one.

Security had heard the crash and commotion and they came running full force but the doctor waived them off. They stood on edge and watched warily.

Ryan looked up to Alex and pointed a finger to him. "I hope you know if he dies this is all your fault, if we lose him, this is your fault," he had tears in his eyes.

_Danger Will Robinson, Danger!_

Kirsten walked up to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and he leaned into her touch. Eventually Seth sat down beside him, awed at his display, and numb at what he would be doing. Someone was going to have to go. Ryan must have read his mind.

Sighing softly Ryan looked at her. "I'll go first."

He retreated into Sandy's room, casting a dark glance back to the family and watched Seth put his arm around his mother as they sat down in the chairs that he had thrown earlier.

He looked at Sandy, this time there were tubes and this time he didn't look like he was sleeping.

He looked like he was dying.

"Hey Sandy," he whispered as he sat down. "I didn't think I would ever have to say this. God, this sucks. I don't know if you could do worse. I just threw a chair, I hope you're not to mad," He smiled at quickly before his face dipped down to a frown.

"Guess what Sandy, I'm not saying goodbye. Because I know you can beat this. We need you. I need you. If it wasn't for you I don't know where I would be. Besides I'm not ready to be head of this family. I can do it right now till you get back from vacation," he smiled again. "Come back to us Sandy, and if you don't mind, hurry the hell up, I'm running out of chairs," he patted his hand and got up wiping away his tears and opened the door.

Seth went in after Ryan, leaving Kirsten to fidget with her wedding bands.

"Hey there pops," he whispered sitting down next to pale form. "Well, the good news is mom hasn't touched the liquor but I fear tonight she may just give in. Although I think Ryan has headed her off once or twice I'm not sure. Ryan threw some chairs, it made me realize how REAL, this is, how crazy it is. Moment of truth eh? The truth is dad; I don't want you to go away. Please don't leave me. Please? I'm sorry for what I said before..." That was all he could muster, his words were choked and the tears, he couldn't even think coherently. Composing himself before he left the room more so for his mother's sake than anyone else's, he sat defeated beside Ryan.

Kirsten took a deep breath and ruffled the boys' hair. Neither one of them met her eyes. Looking at the floor was a safe bet they could hold it together a little longer, at least until they could retreat to the safety of their home.

She walked in and sat down on the edge of his bed. Sandy looked like a little kid. His hair flopped down in his face and she reached over and brushed it from his brow. She reached down to his unshaven face and ran her hand along his stubble, listening to the rasp against her hand. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, not believing that the end might be near. Seventeen years and this was how they parted, in the middle of a life, with two boys to raise and years to live. "I love you Sandy. I don't need to mention how badly I need you," she sighed unevenly taking his hand in both of hers, marveling at how well they fit together. "Please don't leave me Sandy," her voice trailed off and she knew she could say no more. It just wasn't right, because he wasn't going to die. There was no way.

She said it herself once, "_Denial is a very effective coping mechanism."_

"I love you baby, and I can't wait for you to come home. I need you to come home. " She took one last look at him, smiling to herself in encouragement, before walking out to see her boys. She wiped at the stray tear before gathering the boys and heading home.

------

The drive home was just as silent as the ride to the hospital; the only thing changing happened to be the sun was rising.

Seth hastily went up to his room; he must have called Summer because she streamed through the kitchen, sorrow written on her face.

She paused looking at Kirsten rummaging furiously through the cupboard for a shot glass. She didn't say anything when Kirsten looked at her but she walked over and gave her a hug. She pulled back biting her lip and went to walk away before turning to face her. "If you need anything... something... someone to talk to. I know I'm young, but ..." Summer looked at her.

"Thanks sweetie."

She finally found the glass and managed two shots before Ryan walked into the kitchen. He laid a firm hand on her wrist, stopping the third shot.

"Kirsten. Please don't. I know how you can get."

She looked at him blankly.

"I'm not...I'm not him..." he trailed off looking at her.

_'No, you're not. But you're right.'_

She had to keep it together for the boys, until he came back.

And for him, how would it look if Ryan started telling him a story and she just barged in, "_Well honey, I just couldn't do it so I liquored myself up till I passed out for a few days! Awesome parenting skills, don't you think?"_

She thought back to a memory about Sandy begging a promise from her and began telling Ryan the story.

_------_

_They were in college when Sandy first had the pleasure of meeting Kirsten's mother. Her good looks and charm she obviously got from her, the attitude and decisiveness from her father. Katherine Nichol liked Sandy the moment the met. She liked how he talked, she liked his looks, but most of all she loved how he treated her daughter, how he looked at her. _

_Later down the road, when the cancer had bed-ridden her, she and Sandy had enjoyed nice talks and he even nicknamed her Katy. He told Kirsten about their little chats._

_And when it had come down to say goodbye, Katy personally asked for him._

_When Caleb normally challenged Sandy she intervened and kept the peace. She watched silently as Kirsten exchanged concerned looks with him, and he would smile at her. And after Caleb had left the room, Sandy would lean up and kiss her forehead, or whisper something in her ear, which would make her relax or smile. Either effort normally made it so that she turned around and kissed him on the lips._

_She was happy._

_Katy loved watching the two of them, and it saddened her that she wouldn't get to do it enough._

"_Sandy. Promise me now you'll make sure she's okay. Take good care of my baby-girl. Promise me, and tell her to lay off the sauce a little, eh kid? I swear that will be the end of her. You're a good man Sandy, my Kirsten's fortunate to have found someone like you."_

_He smiled at her, and held her hand. "No, I'm the lucky one to have found her Katy," he drifted off on a little ramble. "I love her. I love her so much, and I'll do anything to protect her. I can promise you that."_

"_I know, Sandy. She's told me so, time and time again. I'm thankful that you came into her life everyday, I can relax a little knowing my little girl is in such good hands." she closed her eyes briefly._

_He smiled weakly at her, tears running down his cheeks, "I'm also lucky to have met you. At least I know where she gets most of her attitude and soft sides. And good looks!"_

_Kathy managed to smile weakly, "Don't change Sandy. Such a sweetheart you are."_

"_I'll try my hardest not to."_

"_If it's not too much to ask, can you keep an eye on Hailey for me?" She closed her eyes again and her breath caught in her throat._

_He nodded, "I'll do my best there, too."_

"_Have a good trip Katy," he whispered affectionately as he cracked a small smile and kissed her gently on the forehead, turning as the door opened and Caleb, Kirsten, and Hailey walked in to be with her in her final moments. _

_He walked over to her, kissed her on the temple gently, and told her he would be waiting outside. _

_He sat in the hard plastic chair, placing his hands on his knees, his head between them, dark hair flopping into his face, the universal stature of someone who is grieving. He wiped away the stray tears that were running down his cheeks. _

_It didn't take very long and he stood up slowly, running a hand through his hair. He took in her crestfallen features, before folding her into his loving embrace, the look on her face melting his heart, the intense sobs tugged against his body, and he found himself supporting her weight. "God baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered and he held her tighter against him. Her tears drenched his shirt, and he cried with her._

_When they arrived home that night, the house felt empty even though Katy hadn't been there in months. _

_Death was just so permanent ending. It felt like she was still coming back._

_He went to change his clothes and when he came back she had found the vodka. So he watched as she did shot after shot, through the tears. He watched as she tore herself apart because they both knew he would put her back together again. Most times he stopped her when he knew she had enough. This time though, she needed it and he let her._

_He was there. She would be fine._

_When she had her fill he watched the flushness retreat from her cheeks and her color paled. He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bathroom, and sat her down. He went out and grabbed a blanket, a glass of water, and some mouth rinse. _

_Then he waited. _

_She lifted the lid of the toilet and starting heaving, her whole body shuddering. One hand wrapped gently around her stomach, the other held back her hair. His body supported hers. He whispered softly to her, encouraging her 'to get it all out', and that he was here._

_When she finally finished he gave her the water and mouth rinse, which she gratefully accepted. _

"_I'm sorry Sandy," her voice is shaking and she looked ashamed. She hated when she did this to herself._

_He reaches a hand out and caresses her cheek; looking into the soulful dark blue eyes, "Don't be sorry honey, its okay. Promise me something however." _

_She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "Okay?" _

_She trembled. _

"_Promise me, that no matter what the circumstance, when you decide to hit the bottle, you make sure I'm there with you." _

_She gave him a halfway smile and nodded her head in agreement. "Okay. I promise."_

_Having Sandy there was soothing, well as soothing as it could be throwing up. But he would take care of her, that much she knew. He was her lifesaver, her savior, and her safety net. _

"_Good girl," he whispered as he pulled her against him, pressing his lips to her brow he covered them with the blanket he brought in, "I love you honey. I love you so much. Never forget that."_

_------_

She smiled at Ryan, "You're right. This is his job. And I'll be damned if thinks he's going to miss out on it when he comes back."

He smiled lightly at her as they walked shoulder to shoulder to the living room, sitting at opposite ends of the couch, taking silent comfort in each other, and waited.

------


	7. Home

_"Some things you have to do yourself." _

_-Dogville_

_------_

As the days wore and the days turned into a week, Sandy seemed to be improving. The doctor was again excited about his recovery and even though he was still in a coma he would on occasion respond to their simple requests, like squeezing her hand, or a small smile when someone said something funny.

He had heard them. He heard all of them, their soft goodbyes, even though they were doing what Kirsten claimed to be a coping mechanism, _"Denial is a very effective coping mechanism."_ He wanted to reach out and touch her face softly and say, _"Honey, Da Nile is a river in Egypt,"_ but his brain wasn't functioning properly and someone had placed two-ton weights on his eyelids. He wanted to sob when he heard Seth's innocent plea, and Ryan's belief in him shook him to the core. His wife's was just plain heartbreaking. He couldn't take this, but his body was still hurting so much. He wanted a steady morphine drip. Truthfully however, he would be able to handle everything if he could just wake up and see everyone.

When she went home from the hospital that night Ryan was sitting on the couch with a book in his lap halfway studying and halfway watching Seth play his game console. The boys greeted her with hello and told her that there was Chinese in the fridge. She sat down close to Ryan and watched Seth yell excitedly as he beat a level. She smiled and reached down and ruffled his hair.

"Kirsten?"

"Yeah Ryan?"

"You look like shit. You should get some sleep."

Seth laughed out loud before he looked at her sheepishly.

To both of their surprise she laughed with them and told them she would take him up on his offer and walked up the steps to go into their bedroom, but Ryan stopped her.

"I just want to make sure you're okay," he whispered softly his eyes full of concern and love for her.

She smiled at him. Always the savior, always trying to make sure everyone was fine. He had really stepped up to the plate since the accident, taking over her husbands place as the supporter. She knew how he felt about Sandy. When he wasn't paying attention she watched how he looked at her husband, even at her. His expressions showed nothing but awe, admiration, gratitude and appreciation it decorated his face when either of them walked into the room. This was hard on him too, and he was just checking to make sure that she wasn't going to break down, whether he would admit it to himself or not, he relied on them on their guidance and love. And right now the invincible twosome lost a valuable member.

"I'm fine, are _you_ okay?"

He nodded his head.

"Okay," she whispered and she reached up and ruffled his hair. "Goodnight sweetie."

"Goodnight," he called watching her go.

When Ryan returned he and Seth stayed up playing games talking softly to each other.

"She seems okay…"

"Just keep an eye on her Seth."

Seth looked at Ryan like he was foolish but shrugged his shoulders and they continued their friendly banter back and forth.

Later that night when they had finished eating and he thought his mother was out of earshot, Seth took a turn.

"What if he dies Ryan? What are we going to do?

Ryan stopped tying the plastic bag, obviously taken off guard, and Kirsten leaned against the doorframe, out of sight, listening.

"I don't know… We'll get through it together. That's the only part I'm sure of."

She smiled at how thoughtful he was.

"What about if he comes home, what if he's like a different person?"

"Of course he's going to be different."

"It's been so weird without him. You know? I wish he hadn't played hero."

"Yeah Seth. You know cause he really wanted to take that bullet. He probably held up a neon sign, saying Shoot Me Here! Christ Seth, he was protecting your mom. I would have done the same."

"You always play hero," Seth muttered.

"I do what I think is right to protect people…cause no one ever did it for me," he looked at him, anger flushing his normally quiet features. Sandy was the one person who made it okay for him for once in his life. He was the one person who didn't raise his hand to him, or yell obscenities. He stood behind him in most of his decisions, bad or good, and guided him. He stood behind him proudly when he couldn't tie his own tie and was embarrassed to ask for help. He didn't hesitate reaching around straightening up his collar and stood there for a few moments just smiling at him.

Sandy took a chance with him and Ryan would be there for him. In truth, if Sandy said jump, Ryan would ask how high.

"You know something Seth. You really don't know how good you got it. How good you've had it your whole life. Your mom never laid a hand on you; she barely has ever raised her voice your way. Your dad never raised his hand to you; both of them have shown you nothing but affection. It's nice to come home to a family that you don't have to defend yourself against, especially when at school maybe that's all I did there too. So stop being such a little bitch. Grow up, and face what comes your way with him. Because I will."

Seth looked at him wide-eyed. He didn't really realize in his slight babblings that he was still thinking of himself and not his father.

"When did you become so expertise in family values?"

"Oh Jesus Christ Seth. I'm done talking to you about this," he sighed.

"You're right Ryan. Sorry."

"Don't apologize to me. Think a little Seth, maybe about others for once. He's your dad. Even if he and Kirsten are fighting there isn't anything they won't do for you, or me."

Ryan walked past him and gave him a look, dragging the garbage outside. Kirsten quietly walked away from the scene, watching as Seth stalked off angrily. She suspected that his anger was from being so scared.

Walking into her empty bedroom, sometime during the days that had blurred by Rosa had cleaned up Sandy's shorts, and clothes that had been tossed about. She frowned slightly as she changed her clothes for she was facing another endless night alone. Every time she found herself sound asleep she would reach for him and the emptiness would wake her up. It was if her mind didn't want to believe that he was away. '_Seventeen years of reaching for someone and succeeding, well I guess you just don't forget it overnight_,' her conscious reminded her. Just like it had reminded her she was lucky, still lucky because he was still alive. She pulled back the covers and climbed in. She could still smell him on the sheets and his pillow. She pulled his pillow close to her body and inhaled him. This would have to do for now.

------

The nurse that had been attending to Sandy, Janna, was humming to herself, during her routine vital check when he awoke in a blind panic. Literally. She rushed to his side, holding down his hands so that he didn't pull out his I.V, or stitches.

"Easy there ma' dear," she whispered. "Focus, Focus, now. Atta' boy, Der you go handsome. Easy now."

Sandy awoke to a bright unfamiliar room. He did what anyone would do. He panicked. His vitals shot up ringing off alarms, when he jerked pain roared up his chest and his arm, where the I.V was.

"Hey there hon-ay, It's a'ight, we gon getcha fixed up a jiffy," her foreign accent rang through his ears.

Oh God. He was dead. This was an angel or something from another world. No one spoke like that around here.

For a second he couldn't breath as fear paralyzed him. His eyes danced nervously about the room as she took his vitals and calmed him. Where? Why? Where was his family? His chest was on fire; it almost hurt to breath again.

"Now, now, you okay? Look at me here there ya go handsome. Lookie here," she said making him stare at her chocolate brown eyes. "You're in the hospital sweetie, okay, you're okay."

The hospital. The images of his wife crying ran through his brain. He remembered, and it terrified him even more. He heard Janna's words and he relaxed, just enough so she took advantage of it.

"Okay sugar, I'm gonna run and get the doctor, mmm-kay, just relax. You're okay. My names Janna, sweetie, okay? I'll be right back."

He reached out and placed a shaky hand on her arm. "Where's my wife?"

"Oh sugar, she's at home honey. Its three am, now you hang tight, be back in a flip."

He sighed. Okay. Okayokayokay. No. Not it wasn't okay, he wanted to cry right now.

Alex Rudley breezed into his hospital room, excited. "Mr. Cohen, you gave us all a scare. How do you feel, other than disoriented? Lets go over some things," he stated as he started listening to his heartbeat and his lungs. He asked if anything was tender when he pushed on it. Sandy literally felt fine, to the sense. He groaned softly when the doctor placed his hands on his chest. He didn't want this guy, or this nurse, who was keen on him and kept calling him sugar, honey, and any other candy name she could think of. He just wanted his wife, his boys. He wanted to lay on the couch with her, and watch Seth play, play station while babbling to Ryan. He wanted to reach out affectionately and ruffle Ryan's hair, while Kirsten smiled. He was scared. He just wanted familiarity.

"Doc, Please, can you call my wife?" His blue-green eyes pleaded with him. Begged. PLEADED.

The doctor smiled at him, breaking a hospital policy, but he reached for the phone dialed the number for him and handed the phone to Sandy.

The phone rang at three-thirty in the morning. Her brain thought the worst.

He's dead.

She felt panic-stricken when she reached for the handset, took a deep breath and prepared herself for the worst.

"Hello?" She asked weakly.

"Hey honey, if it's not to much to ask, do you think you could come see me," his tired voice spoke softly on the phone. "Please?"

She smiled through her tears, "In a heartbeat."

Kirsten woke both boys telling them the news, and they both jumped to their feet and got dressed quickly. However the boys weren't going to stay long. They needed to get to school both had tests in at least three classes. But they needed to see Sandy. They drove separately, the boys taking the BMW.

Walking in the room, they looked at him apprehensively. He looked like he was sleeping, but when he heard the door open he opened his eyes in disarray. He smiled weakly at them, "Hey guys!"

Ryan broke into a huge grin, as did Seth. Kirsten's eyes brimmed with tears.

Ryan was the first to find his voice, "Hey yourself, stranger."

Sandy broke into a grin, and they crossed over to the bed. Seth was the first to lean down and hug his father. "Hey dad," he whispered softly. Sandy's arms reached up and gently held the boy close for a moment.

Home.

He felt home. Ryan was next and did so with a huge grin. He pulled back and it was Kirsten's turn. She managed a small smile and her bottom lip trembled. He smiled up at her knowingly, she crossed the distance, placing a small kiss on his forehead before leaning down and kissing his lips.

"I missed you guys," he said as he watched Seth cross over to the other side and sit down on his bed. Kirsten and Ryan followed suit on the side that they were on.

"Dad, we missed you too, Mom was trying the corny jokes and Ryan was semi upbeat and happy, not brooding. He danced around in black socks for entertainment!" Seth babbled.

The smile that was evident on his face mirrored everyone's in the room. "Ryan, I hope they weren't mine," he whispered weakly.

"Of course, I'm not going to ruin my own socks!"

Kirsten smiled at Ryan and ruffled his hair. Seth grinned. Sandy smiled and then yawned. He was so tired. Seth and Ryan looked at each other, and then the clock, it was a quarter to four. "Dad, sorry to cut this short, but Ryan and I are going to head out, you're tired and you probably want some 'mom' time, so to speak.

He smiled at his boys toexhausted to argue, "Kay, I love you guys.

Surprisingly both of them yelled back, "Love you too."

Kirsten walked them out of the hospital, "Be careful driving home."

"We will." And like that, they were gone.

She thought for a second he was sleeping when she walked back into his room. His eyes had been closed and his dark hair was every direction other than straight. He must have sensed her because he smiled and opened his eyes, looking in her direction. His face was a pale, eyes showing exhaustion; he was struggling to stay up for her. He patted the bed beside him. Her eyes welled up with tears and she sat on the bed near him. She looked at him apprehensively but he calmed her fears, reached over and lovingly ran the back of his hand against her cheek. She leaned into his touch placing her hand over his, and he pulled her closer and kissed her lips softly.

"Beautiful," he said softly looking at her, "Such a sight for sore eyes."

She could only imagine what a sight she truly was.

"I was scared baby," he whispered so softly, "I woke up and …" he trailed off looking at her like a little boy. Sandy looked lost.

"I love you," she whispered, reassuring him the only way she knew.

He closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip "I love you too, so much." She kissed him again, leaning her forehead against his.

Closer. The need to be closer was adamant.

He moved his weary body over a little bit, groaning as he shifted his weight but he tugged at her hand, begging her to join him.

She looked wide-eyed at him and was hesitant. "Kirsten, I know you haven't slept. Come on," he said tenderly, knowing her sleeping habits mirrored his when she wasn't there.

Non-Existent.

Truthfully he was shaken and he just wanted the safety of her beside him. Calming him.

She looked at him the fatigue evident on his tired face and then eased herself against him, his arm wrapping around her, holding her closely to him. His blue-green eyes closed and he sighed quietly.

She was nervous against him and he grasped her hand, guiding it over his wound to his heart. She could feel the heat radiating from it as her hand passed over it. "You're not gonna hurt me, relax baby."

"I was scared, Sandy. I was so scared," she confessed to him.

"I know honey. I heard everything. Even when I couldn't respond, I still heard you and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from that." He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes.

"Its okay. You're okay. That's all that matters to me. My boys are safe," she whispered.

"I missed you," his deep voice rumbled softly.

She can only nod as a tear slips down her cheek. "Oh God Sandy, you have no idea."

He smiled weakly, closing his eyes, taking pleasure in her closeness. "I love you Kirsten. I love you and I can't leave you, not with Jimmy Cooper out there."

She chuckled, "Only you would be thinking of Jimmy Cooper right now."

"Actually the only thing I'm thinking of would probably kill me cause I don't have the strength to keep up…"

She nudged him tenderly with a smile.

"Oh honey, don't think I don't know how your mind works, you've been trying to jump my bones since I got in this place," he protested faintly.

"Sandy!"

He pressed a kiss into her hair, resting there, inhaling her scent. "Beautiful, you're so beautiful."

She closed her eyes. She too, was home.

Six days later Sandy was released from the hospital with the follow up the subsequent week.

For a month and four days Kirsten had laid in their bed alone. She hadn't slept much. Tonight at least she could look at him while he slept, which he was surely about to do. She could reach out for him in her sleep. She could hold his hand, listen to him breath. She could rest in his arms; savor the fact that he was alive, and safe against her. He was leaning against the window of the Rover his eyes were closed, but a small smile played upon his lips.

Walking in the mansion he was greeted by his two boys who gave him gentle hugs, trying not to hurt him. They were fierce but gentle hug that made sure they knew how much he was actually missed. Jimmy, Julie, Caleb, Marissa and Summer had stopped by. Everyone was glad to see him, even Caleb was civil and joked around with him instead of sneering. He leaned on Kirsten, an arm around her waist supporting his weight some. He looked at her and she was smiling as she talked to her dad. He leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her forehead and disengaged from her. She looked up at him and watched as he retreated to the kitchen where he was surprised to find Ryan.

He eyed him, looking for a sign but Sandy just lumbered in and plopped in a chair.

"Exhausted huh?" Ryan asked quietly.

Sandy looked over wearily, using 'the look', and a yawn to hopefully convey just how he felt.

"You want me to help you up the stairs and to bed?" he asked almost hopefully.

"Sure kid, that would be great. I just can't stand up anymore, I'm dead on my feet."

Ryan grabbed hold of one arm as they slowly went up the stairs. He led Sandy over to the bed and let go, watching as he slowly eased himself on the mattress, sighing in relief.

"Thanks son," he smiled faintly. "I feel horrible for not being as strong as I normally am."

Ryan just nodded. He didn't know whether to go or to stay. He would have liked to stay and talk, or just watch TV.

He shoved his hands in his pockets, "Do you uh, do you want me to leave?"

"I'd like it if you could keep me company for a while. Kirsten's going to be pissed I left her and didn't say anything. You may have to protect me from her," he closed his eyes.

Ryan eased himself on the bed near Sandy, crossing his legs sitting Indian style. "Hey you want me to go get anything, something to drink or something?"

"Water would be good," he said softly.

Ryan took off on his quest to get a bottle of water for himself and Sandy. On his way downstairs he ran into Seth who asked where he had been.

"I helped Sandy upstairs, he's tired, and so we're watching TV and hanging out." Ryan was still leery of Seth since he had somewhat flipped out on him but if he was willing to let bygones be bygones than so was he.

"Oh, hey good idea let me grab Summer. We'll be up."

Ryan looked at Seth, shrugged and walked back up the stairs. He handed Sandy the bottle of water and got comfortable on the bed. A few moments later both Seth and Summer joined them, making themselves comfortable around him. Sandy raised an eyebrow, "You guys don't have to be up here just cause of me."

"Ew Mr. Cohen, we want to be here. We all missed you, you know? Summer bluntly pointed out.

He smiled. Leave it to Summer, she always said what was on her mind. "Mmm-Kay," he mumbled leaning back against headboard, watching the movie they had picked out. Both Ryan and Seth were leaning on Sandy and he welcomed their closeness. He shifted and put his arms around both his boys they had settled against him contentedly. Ryan was actually sound asleep. Both Summer and Seth had long ago fallen asleep as well. Sandy was struggling to stay awake, it was then when Kirsten entered the room and gazed upon the site before her.

"Sandy, God, I was . . .." she stopped when she saw the boys sleeping and Summer. He looked up at her a bashful grin played upon his tired face.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi…they're all sleeping," her voice was awed.

He looked over the kids and nodded.

She eased herself on the bed, the movement waking Summer even though she had tried to be careful, and she groggily sat up.

"Hey sweetie," Kirsten said softly, her hand reaching out, sweeping a stray strand of hair away from her face.

"Do I have to go?"

"No baby, hold on a second," she whispered as she leaned over and got herself comfortable, placing an arm around the girl. To her slight surprise Summer curled up against Kirsten like she was her own daughter. She smiled and ran her hand lovingly through her hair and was rewarded with a soft, "Thank you, Mrs. Cohen."

"No problem sweetie," she pressed soft kiss onto her forehead and she looked over to see Sandy smiling at her. He mouthed 'I love you.' Through the disarray of children, his hand found hers.

She mouthed it back to him.

At some point in the wee early hours of the AM Ryan awoke. He was slightly disoriented until he realized they had all fallen asleep in the safe arms of Sandy. Summer was curled up against Kirsten. Now this would be the perfect picture. He managed to disentangle himself from Sandy's grasp, and woke Seth and Summer without waking either parent. He was proud of himself. They crept out of their rooms, Seth and Summer going into his and Ryan crashed in the guestroom, to tired to walk out to the pool house.

Sandy shifted in his sleep facing away from his wife, as his conscious mind told his body that would be the safest position without pain. She however felt the lack of warmth from the sudden loss of bodies on the bed and reached out for Sandy. She pulled her body close to his wrapping an arm over his warm body and his hand covered hers. Finally her wish had been granted, she could reach out for him and actually find his warm body, not just empty cold space. She smiled into his shoulder blade, he was home, and everything was going to be fine.

"I love you Sanford Cohen, but if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll shoot you myself."

She felt him chuckle and whisper, "I love you too, _pumpkin muffin."_

She fell asleep with a smile on her face.

He was home and safe, her boys were safe, and finally everything was going to be just fine.

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Fin.

I hoped you all enjoyed this. It was truly only meant to be a little drabble and it turned out more than that.

If you liked this, check out Rhyme or Reason, apparently people don't think it's too shabby either :o)

Thanks for the reviews!


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